Hey friends! Happy November (aka the month that you can start watching hallmark christmas movies!) I wanted to share a little moment in my recovery where I noticed the light got in. I have not had many moments like this, and I am beyond comforted and grateful to have received this feeling (and I know more will come!). Although this truly is little, that is what makes life so special. All the beams of light that shine through the little things are what allows us to see God’s creation and His purpose behind His creation.
I have been very scared that life without my eating disorder was going to be this hard forever. The thought of constantly fighting it seemed so intimidating. I have been doing the actions, consistently and completely, yet it all still just seemed so hard. But today while driving in the car listening to “Hold Onto Me” by Lauren Diagle, I suddenly just smiled and had the feeling that things were getting easier. I realized that behaviors that used to fill all of the space in my brain were now taking the back seat. It is such a slow and gradual process, but the light is getting in. The light of a life without the guilt of an eating disorder and without the pain of constantly fighting it off.
Even as this exciting sense of relief washed over me, there was a part of my eating disorder that screamed that I had lost all control. But for the first time (probably ever) I didn't absolutely hate that feeling. I didn't hate that I could not control every single aspect of myself and my life. But the most beautiful part about this realization is that I still felt comforted by the strength of God’s control.
I am grateful for the little moments of light that shine through unexpected ways. As I practice noticing the little moments where the light gets in, my world seems a little brighter with God guiding me along my journey.
Have a great day! Take note of where the light is getting in for you today!
xox,
AG
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