written on 7/20/22
Dear Body,
I want to start this letter by apologizing for the way I have treated you. Throughout the years that we have been growing together, I have been pushing us apart. I created a war between us - fighting to change you instead of embracing the wonderful creation that you are. I tried to control you because my eating disorder convinced me that you were never small enough, never strong enough, never good enough. I am sorry that I spent more time focusing on my appearance than relationships with my family and friends.
My eating disorder screams at me to change you. I want to prove to myself that I still possess the dedication and discipline that it takes to change you. But I know that changing you is not right - I know that giving in to my eating disorder is the easier option - I know that God wonderfully made me just as I am - and I know that I trust God.
Body, it bothers me that I can’t control you. And it scares me that you have this much power over me. Each day, my eating disorder still screams at me to make you stronger, to make you smaller. But I know that I am ready to embrace you just as you are, just as God created you to be. As the screams get quieter, I have more hope that we can end the war.
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